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Hello and welcome to the “Life Lessons from the Dance Floor” blog! Dancing has been one of my greatest joys and self-care tools for decades.  This art form has helped me cope through challenges and rediscover myself.

As a young child, I recreated movie dance numbers and performed in my home basement. In middle school, I disco-danced with my classmates in the cafeteria mornings before the bell rang. In high school I danced in The Boyfriend, Pippin, and West Side Story musicals. In college and as a young adult, I dabbled in adult jazz and ballet lessons. I performed with other parents in some of my daughter’s recitals and Nutcracker ballet shows.

When my marriage ended I delved into competitive ballroom and Latin dancing for five years – challenging, therapeutic, and fun! During the pandemic, I boogied around my house to lift my spirits. Post-pandemic I enjoyed social swing dancing. The last few years I took adult tap lessons, dabbled with bachata and salsa classes, and resumed weekly  ballroom lessons (Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Viennese). I hope to dance into my nineties!

How has dance been part of your life? What is your favorite dance style?

“So much happening”

Ballroom dancing is a gorgeous and challenging art form. In today’s lesson I had fun continuing to practice the Waltz, Tango and Viennese Waltz with my outstanding teacher Fitz. We talked and laughed about “so much happening” in every single moment. Feet, legs, torso, arms, hands, back, neck, head all have their roles and must help each other and stay in sync — for each partner individually as well as together in hold — and must also be connected with every beat of the music for the dance to look graceful and beautiful. As a scientist, I think of it as a complex physics equation I’m always working to solve by adjusting each of the components as needed. As a dancer, I’m having fun letting go of “so much happening” outside the dance studio —and feeling the pure joy of stylish movement!

Viennese Waltz practice

Wednesday Bliss

I’ve been taking private ballroom lessons regularly on Wednesday afternoons for the last few months. That hour is the perfect midpoint of my week! My teacher is helping me polish American Smooth Waltz, Tango, Viennese, and Foxtrot bronze level routines. Each style has its own personality, and dancing them brings out different facets of my personality. There aren’t many guarantees in life — but walking out of the studio feeling totally blissful and energized is one of them! Highlights today were flying around the dance floor in Viennese waltz to R.E.M’s “Everybody Hurts,” nailing Tango turns, and rediscovering the joy of partner dancing to a bluesy foxtrot number. Looking forward to next Wednesday!

Shakin’ My Groove Thing

Hello! It’s been too long since I last posted because, well…Life. Including unexpected early retirement, family medical challenges, traveling, finishing my novel, et cetera. But I’m happy to report that I have in fact danced a lot since my previous post. After a friend gave me a salsa lesson gift certificate for my last birthday, I took some private and group salsa and bachata lessons. While I haven’t yet managed to push myself out of my introverted comfort zone to venture into the social dance scene again, Spring is just around the corner with its endless possibilities.

I also enjoyed adult group tap class again, at two different studios (one in my suburb and one in the city, with different teachers and age demographics), in which I learned more about tap and myself. Last fall I also took more private ballroom dance lessons, working on waltz, tango, foxtrot, and Viennese. This reinvigorated my dream of dancing the Viennese waltz in Vienna, preferably during the balls season, and ideally on New Year’s Eve. I learned that a dance friend of mine has the same dream, and we talked about traveling to Vienna together around our 60th birthdays, which happen to be a few months apart.

Every one of these dance styles and experiences is a gift. Another gift I’m grateful for is the supreme joy I feel when dancing around my living room (or sometimes my basement or hotel room) by myself, playing my favorite songs on the Spotify list I created. Sometimes I blast the speaker with disco lights that strobe to the beat. Sometimes I dance with my eyes closed, and am transported to whatever decade and time in my life each song evokes. Every single time — whether I’m doing the twist, swing dancing, salsa dancing, disco dancing, freeform dancing — or all of the above, as I did tonight, I am 100% guaranteed to feel better after shakin’ my groove thing without a care in the world. If you haven’t turned your living room or basement into your own personal dance floor, I highly recommend trying it!

Dance Therapy

[[Note: this post was written in May, 2024]]

Dancing is my preferred form of therapy. Heartbroken and fresh in the shock of betrayal that ended a three year relationship, I forced myself to attend a West Coast swing class followed by a social dance. It was out of my comfort zone and I was numb in mourning, but proud of myself for getting out, interacting with others, and enjoying movement. The following week I participated in group ballroom lessons, private ballroom lessons, and a ballroom/Latin social dance. I was feeling slightly lighter, though I broke down crying with my teacher when I couldn’t master the Viennese steps and had to excuse myself during a waltz with a stranger at the social dance when a “trigger song” that tugged at my heartstrings was played.

Weeks later, I felt emotionally lighter and physically stronger in my private lessons. I was joking and laughing with my teacher, and mastered the tricky Viennese steps we were working on. I felt a little less raw when dancing to another trigger song. After my women’s adult tap class I realized my brain was thinking less about my breakup for longer stretches of time. I could tell from my dancing — which requires mind, heart, body, and soul — that with each passing week, grief was working its way through those so that I could return to myself again.

A month later I attended a women’s retreat at the ocean. It was a joyous few days of reconnecting with myself and over 40 amazing women. We walked the beach, did yoga, made a craft, hiked in the forest, played games, did a writing activity, sang songs, and chatted over meals. And on Saturday night, we danced for hours. We danced and laughed with abandon in a big circle around a large djembe drum. We danced to disco, Motown, salsa, and pop hits from various decades. We took turns dancing in the middle and banging the drum. We bonded through the joy of expressive movement. I went to sleep exhausted and energized, and dreamt of choreographing a group dance number. The next morning, everyone shared something they do when they need spiritual renewal. Most of the responses were spending time with friends, walking in nature, and dancing. My answer was dancing.

A Valentine to Dancing

Well, I survived another Valentine’s Day – a holiday charged with societal expectations that are hard to live up to even if one is in a romantic relationship. It is also celebrated by (single) women as “Galentine’s Day.” This holiday I’m focusing on love and gratitude for my galentines who inspire me and have supported me through many ups and downs, and for my children — the loves of my life. I’m grateful for my health, meaningful work, cozy home, and the effervescent joy that dancing brings me.

After meeting one of my galentines at a cafe after work, I went to my 8pm adult tap class. My teacher had offered to cancel it, to be sensitive to women who may be celebrating with their romantic life partner, but the students declined the offer. All of us — both married and single — emphasized how much we need tap dance in our lives.

My two adult group tap classes this week (practiced the Shim Sham in one and a routine to NKOTB in the other) and my private ballroom lesson (focused on waltz and foxtrot) brought their signature endorphins to my brain and giddy smile to my face. I can always count on dance to make me feel fantastic, no matter what else is going on in my work or personal life. And for these reasons, this is my VALENTINE TO DANCING.

Humbled

This week and last I took two adult tap classes and private ballroom lesson. I loved them all for different reasons, and my teachers are all great for different reasons. One tap class focuses on performance choreography, and the other on classical training and tap history. Tapping in sync with a group of women at different stages in life feels nourishing and empowering. In the Wednesday night class we watched a classic clip with Gregory Hines paying homage to Sammy Davis Jr., then attempted to do our own paradiddles routine. That was humbling after watching the greats and then our professional teacher do a complex fast sequence with several top teen dancers in the studio. I was proud of myself for being able to keep up for most of the slow version of the paradiddle routine (single, single, double, double, single – repeat; single, single, triple, triple, single). It takes tremendous focus and mindfulness. There is no time for negative self talk if I miss a step, because then I’m lost and don’t want to throw off the others as we create a beautiful syncopated group sound.

I was also humbled in my ballroom lesson this week (and every lesson I’ve ever had because the artform is so technically complex). My teacher Fitz took me back to ballroom walking basics (brush heel on 1, toe step on 2, 3, heel down on the &…). Learning to walk again is just what I needed to improve my base and foundational skills. There’s no faking footwork when one “ballroom walks” across the studio alone, just like there’s no faking tap footwork (it is clearly audible when one missteps). 

Another epiphany I had is updating my previous observation that dance is about physics and feelings to: dance is about physics, feelings, and personality (and connection in any type of partner dancing). We are practicing smooth ballroom style (this week was waltz and foxtrot, last week waltz and tango), which involves letting go of close hold for each partner to express themselves (e.g., with a dramatic arm movement). As a dancing scientist, I am continually challenged to balance physics with feelings and personality!

New Year, More Dance!

Happy New Year, friends! I am thrilled to be resurrecting my 2017 dance blog and happy you are reading this! Fall 2023 was challenging for me, as I was very ill with pneumonia for several months. One of my goals/intentions/resolutions for a joyous 2024 is to dance as much as possible and I’m off to a good start. I enjoyed a fun fourth ballroom lesson at my new studio on Friday. While I’m still very rusty from taking a long pandemic-related hiatus, the fundamentals are coming back slowly but surely and my “dance bliss” practicing American smooth waltz and tango was as effervescent as ever. My teacher joked about how I tend to dance like a scientist (that I am, analytically breaking down the moves and mechanics) and I am grateful for the gentle reminders that dance is about both feelings and physics. Every lesson is a humbling experience, since there is always more to learn and work on with ballroom dance technique. Professional dancers make it look effortless, but in fact every step involves mindful awareness of balance, legs and footwork, partner connection, and frame posture (torso, head, arms and hands). Graceful execution is a complex equation of many variables in every second of a dance. I find the mental and physical challenge incredibly fun and rewarding.

In addition to more ballroom lessons in the year ahead, I look forward to starting a new series of adult tap classes this week and I tried salsa, bachata, and hip-hop lessons at a nearby studio open house last week. I had a blast and it was an enriching social experience with a packed room of passionate dancers. Because I had dabbled in those styles previously I was able to keep up and fit in dance-wise. However, as we rotated bachata partners I couldn’t help notice that I’m decades older than most people there. Thankfully it didn’t seem to matter on the dance floor -but that observation led me to ponder afterwards if some dance styles are more suited to certain age groups than others. A trip that night down the Google rabbit hole led me to find many inspirational “older” dancers (including women decades older than me) that emphasized age is just a number and that if people love to dance they should as long as they can with whatever styles bring them joy. I strive to be one of those women!

Feel free to share your thoughts in the Contact page of this blog about your favorite styles of dance.

Joys of Tap Dancing

When I was around five years old I started watching Shirley Temple movies on our old television, enthralled with the tap dancing routines of this talented charismatic girl around my age, lighting up the screen. I memorized her moves and tried to reenact scenes in my basement to escape family dramas upstairs. It would be decades later when I bought my own tap shoes, first to tap around the house with my daughter and then to rediscover the joy of it after I paused ballroom dancing.

In my first adult beginner group tap class, I was delighted to learn a “Singin’ in the Rain” routine, but alas that was cut short by the pandemic. Last year I took a private class and was thrilled warming up to the Beatles and Taylor Swift then learn “Another Day of Sun” from La-La Land. No matter what type of bad day I had at work, it was 100% guaranteed I would leave the dance studio spouting endorphins and smiling like Gene Kelly.

In my most recent tap class series I was feeling overconfident the first lesson because I had more dance experience than the other women, who were newcomers—until our wise and experienced teacher asked us to do 2 counts of 8 with improv to express our soul. She asked me to go first, and I panicked trying to remember steps from the La-La-Land number. The steps I did remember did not go well with the music. I danced like a stressed engineer following a logic diagram, who is good with a recipe or prepared speech but not comfortable going off script. The other women with less dance experience tapped with simpler steps than mine but radiated joy and expressed their souls in how they moved their bodies to the 1929 version of “Just a Gigolo.” I felt humbled, and ready to challenge myself again next week. If I learn to improvise tap with heart and soul, I will reward myself with purple patent leather tap shoes like the ones my teacher rocks.   

Staying Centered

Last week I gave a big presentation for work. My colleague who has seen me give numerous talks over the years commented afterwards that he has never seen me so calm. Usually my heart races then I speak too quickly, rushing to finish and not enjoying the experience. “What was different this time?” he asked. “I was in ballroom dancer mode,” I replied.  This time I summoned the courage of a dancer about to step onto the competition floor, and recalled what my teachers have taught me about walking with poise to enjoy sharing and connecting. After striding confidently to the podium, smiling and making eye contact as I greeted the audience, I heard myself speak in a clear, slow voice I almost didn’t recognize. I was fully present and not flustered even when my cell phone alarm started chiming from within my pocketbook in the back of the room. Rather than interrupting the flow by running to turn it off, I just took a breath and kept going.

This feeling of being completely centered is something I’ve experienced through yoga, hiking in nature, and ballroom dancing — not often enough, but increasingly more. In dancing, if body and mind are both centered, even the Viennese Waltz and Quickstep can seem as if I have all the time in the world.  Sometimes re-centering is best achieved with a posture adjustment, and sometimes with a deep focusing breath. With more practice, I hope to find that center more quickly whenever I’m thrown off balance both on and off the dance floor. How do you stay centered in challenging situations?

Fellowship

Last year at this time I flew alone to Spain to hike the the last 100km of the oldest pilgrimage in Europe, the Camino de Santiago or Way of St. James. Since that life altering experience, my journey of spiritual growth, self-discovery, and healing has continued. One of the many things that makes the Camino so special is the fellowship of seekers from all over the world sharing stories, meals, accommodations, faith, and encouragement. As the saying goes, friends are the family we choose. My extended family includes those fellow pilgrims I met last summer, as well as all those friends over my lifetime who shared my childhood, witnessed my marriage, celebrated my children’s birthdays, comforted me through my daughter’s surgeries, supported me through divorce, cheered me on at dance competitions, and lightened my backpack in numerous other ways.

On the pilgrim’s passport stamped along The Way, the Spirit of the Camino is summarized in these words: “Live in the moment. Welcome each day – its pleasures and its challenges. Make others feel welcome. Share. Feel the spirit of those who have gone before you. Imagine those who will follow you. Appreciate those who walk with you today.” The message of the daily mass in the breathtaking Santiago cathedral, where thousands of weary travelers gather at the end of the pilgrimage, is to take that spirit and fellowship back home. In life, as on the Camino in Spain, some are meant to join us for the long haul and others for just a short while, but we all learn from each other and our shared experiences. Today I appreciate everyone who has walked – and danced – with me along life’s journey.